


Reinvent Love

by SouthernSunshine



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 21:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15981026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernSunshine/pseuds/SouthernSunshine
Summary: Short story. A Prompt that got sent to me;A kiss out of pride





	Reinvent Love

“No, no, no. That’s all wrong! I can’t believe this. How many times have we played this song by now?! Your pitch is off, you’re forgetting words? Dude, you wrote those lyrics yourself!” 

I look at Brendon, who’s taken aback by my sudden outburst, Jon and Spencer look like they couldn’t give less of a fuck. Dissatisfaction probably written all over my face. Brendon sighs, purses his lips as if he’s trying to bite back a rude comment. At this point, I don’t care what he says or if he likes what _I’m_ saying. We have a show to play tonight, there’s no time for feelings.

 

“Fine, we’ll try again. I’m not feeling the song tonight though, Ry.” 

 

At the mention of my nickname I feel a spark of joy; icy exterior melting a bit. I just shrug at him.

 

“We still have a couple of hours ’til the show. Take five and we’ll continue.”

 

Spencer gets up from the small table he was sitting on, dropping his tambourine on the messy floor. He seems to be done with rehearsing by now, done with the band. Who knows. 

Jon sets down his acoustic guitar and follows him. 

 

I turn around and search for my water in the small cabin that we call the kitchen. I hear the two of them leave the tour bus we’re on. 

 

Brendon is sitting in the booth by the table, fumbling with his hands. I look at him.

 

“You’re still here then?” 

 

His head shoots up, almost as if he’s surprised that I’m talking to him. He nods, eyes averting my gaze. “Figured we needed to talk about whatever’s going on between us.”

 

I lean against the counter across from him. I take a deep breath and let it out. It sounds like a sigh, but it’s more of a preparation for this conversation. I knew this would come, we can’t go on stage being pissed off at one another. But I wish it didn’t make me feel so anxious. 

 

“Ryan, I can’t go out there tonight singing about _reinventing love_ when we both know that we’re done. I can’t do it anymore. I’ve been keeping up this..”, his hands fly up and make fists, clenching and unclenching again, he pauses a bit, looking for words, “… _façade,_ for way too long now. I know you have Keltie and everything, but have you ever thought about how this makes me feel? Have you ever thought about _how_ I feel?”

 

He stares at me longingly, waiting for me to say something. I swear I see tears in his eyes and I can’t understand why he’d cry over me, but I stay silent. Because for him to understand why I did what I did, I’d have to be completely honest, and the truth might be more than both of us can handle right now. 

 

The truth being that I love him more than anything or anyone. And he’s my world, my sun, and all the stars. I’d rather keep him at a distance than let him in completely, because God knows what he would do when he sees what exactly I have to offer; nothing. 

 

He sighs and I look at the ground. He gets up without another word and walks out, slamming the door behind him. I know he won’t be back for another go at it, so I wait. 

 

I wait until I can shake off the feeling in my gut. I wait until the evening falls and we go on that stage where we have to pretend. We sing our last song and he sings as if we’ve never fought.

He prances around on stage, laughing with the crew as we say goodnight. I admire him.  And in that moment all hope isn’t lost; maybe I can save this. Maybe I won’t ruin this. Us. 

I wait until we’re offstage to kiss him, telling him how proud I am, how thankful I am that he got through this. I brace myself, the words pouring out. _I love you._ But he pulls away and wipes his lips, cuts me off, telling me to stick it, I’m too late. Turns around and walks away, as if I’m a sickness that he wants to rid himself off. And maybe I am. 

 

So I wait until he gets sick. Sick of me. I wait until we can’t be in the same room without fighting, and I wait in the diner where Spencer and I decide it’s best to part ways.

I wait to hear from him when I break up with Keltie, but I never do. And now it’s been ten years and I’m still waiting. On what, I don’t know. 

 

All I know is that the sun shines and the moon borrows its light. The sun never asks for anything in return, while the moon patiently waits for its turn to come back. So I wait, because I can feel it. I will come back to him. Because good things come to those who wait. 

 

And he’s the only good thing that has ever been in my life. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
